A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
