im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
