when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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