the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
