I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
