I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
