Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have feelings that need drinking.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
