i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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