I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
