do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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