I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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