is wine microwaveable?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
