I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
