Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
