Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
