yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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