I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
