I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
