Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize