: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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