Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
