Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You took a bar mat shot.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My dick has a subreddit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
