Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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