my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
