hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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