bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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