we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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