ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
