Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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