I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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