dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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