plz talk dirty to me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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