you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize