Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
