We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
