2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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