hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
