no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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