I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
