in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
