I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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