Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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