I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
