wat bout pragnant strippers??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
