Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
