i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
