he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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