i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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