paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
its not stalking. its research.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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