so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
