I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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