Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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