Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
