Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
