so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
