Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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