Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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