okay pat passed out under dana's car
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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