How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
