The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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