dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
