The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
