Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
