Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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