i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize