Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
