When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
